In Tolkien's poem on Aragon, the line 'Not all those who wander are lost' refers to the young king's 'journey into the wild'. However, it is not until he meet Gandalf five years later, that his wandering becomes the 'great journeys and errantries' it is known to be. The line stated that Aragon's wandering years was not without a purpose but provided him with the necessary training and knowledge to be the leader he is required to be on his great journey.
For the past few years, I feel that my foot has started on a mysterious journey without the consciousness of my heart and mind. The constant questions in my head on this 'journey' are mostly left unanswered. i have seen people my age who are aware of their journey, who some might term as 'having found their calling'. It could be a choice of career, a choice of life partner and other forms--it seems like they walk on earth knowing what they are setting their journey for and how they are going to go about and reach it. i might have picked up some clues throughout my path, I was told of the bigger picture in my Saturday classes and I hope that one day, with a clearer sense in my head and heart, that the bigger picture will manifest itself into a reality that I can carry with me. However, for now, I don't know what my calling is. There are some short-term, middle-term goals here and there but what is it that I'm supposed to thrive at in this life?
As one gets older, the notion of finding a footing, a place in the world where one can feel a belonging to, rings louder and louder. Some of the things that I was so passionate about when I was younger have lost their magic over me and it makes me wonder whether I have been looking in the wrong direction for far too long. Have I been hanging out with the wrong crowd? Have I been stuck in the wrong career? i couldn't help but sometimes feel envious of those who are so certain about what their calling is. How can one be so sure and yet another, so clueless?
A few days ago I read a blog post on a similar topic where the writer compared her situation to Mrs Jumbo who waited patiently for the stocks to deliver her baby while all the other mother received theirs one by one. Only when she was about to give up, the parcel containing her love and joy finally arrived. She said she shared Mrs Jumbo's sentiment as she watched her colleagues and friends who seemed to be more enlightened of their callings on earth. I was reminded of a friend I know from my Saturday class, who, a few years back was only a junior student at a university I used to go to. A persistent writer and passionate knowledge seeker, I remember a conversation we had during dinner where she expressed her worries about not knowing what lies in her future. Fast forward years later, the persistent writer and passionate knowledge seeker now has thousands of subscribers on her newsletter, who just returned from an internship with a respected and well-known academician overseas and given abundance opportunities by the people around her to pursue her studies. She has found her footing.
She had been encouraging me to read a book written by her teacher and wanting to learn the secret of her success, I took upon her recommendation and started flipping the pages. Her journey and the book made me realise that although the journey might be set for you from the very beginning, the only guarantee that one can reach a level of 'greatness and errantries' is based solely on attitude. In her teacher's term, its the heart that dictate how the journey is set and its the heart that needs to change, ratify and mould for change to take place. Perhaps I haven't found my calling yet because I have been busy thinking about it instead of making the necessary changes that would allow for the journey to even start.